Sunday, 30 December 2007
Friday, 28 December 2007
what song/s never fail/s to cheer you up?
For me the obvious one is Goldfrapp's-Twist, this song totally kicks me into a happy high. I love the undulating twisted ride, the building ecstacy, and squealing and screaming to a roaring climax. WOW! Unbeatable.
Thursday, 27 December 2007
grappling to make any sense of it all
- Benazir Bhutto has been assasinated. That's officially Not Good. This pictures speaks volumes:
-Feeling guilty for tinterweb piracy? Put it right! - the Axl Rose letter had me weeping!
-Oh yeah Xmas, I asked for a Torchwood Calendar and money towards a CD player(all mine are buggered), I didn't get those, but I did get some gorgeous black leather opera gloves and some Champneys products. Also a Chanel lipgloss, a book on herbalism, Lush products and some chocolates oh and a £10 HMV voucher :-)
-My car door blew violently open last night and I think a hinge has broken :-( £££
-I have put 8lbs on since I had the op. Bah. Must not over-eat must not over-eat must not over-eat must not over-eat must not over-eat.
and the sounds of this suburb is The Chameleons-In Shreds:
I don't know why I thought learning Judo self-defense moves, drunk at 4am, with a drunk Wayne (so called as he makes me walk like John Wayne ;P) was a good idea. I look like a battered wife from all the bruises (!) BUT I can push someone headlong over a coffee table with 2 fingers *hurrah*. Hopefully the need for coffee table assualt positioning won't ever arise! I actually enjoy grappling, that's something if I wasn't a bleeder I would have liked to do more of. Grappling and wrestling! Even with prophylaxsis I daren't take that many chances, kids now on prophy live fairly normal lives and even do contact sports. Maybe it's something I should consider branching out into. I love throwing my weight around lol!
Christ I ache, but in a good way ;)Any other bleeders out there (ok Ros and Jae lol), what would you have liked to do more of/try if you weren't restricted by your health condition? Or have you ever thrown caution to the wind and just done something 'risky' anyway?
ION:
-Oh yeah Xmas, I asked for a Torchwood Calendar and money towards a CD player(all mine are buggered), I didn't get those, but I did get some gorgeous black leather opera gloves and some Champneys products. Also a Chanel lipgloss, a book on herbalism, Lush products and some chocolates oh and a £10 HMV voucher :-)
-My car door blew violently open last night and I think a hinge has broken :-( £££
-I have put 8lbs on since I had the op. Bah. Must not over-eat must not over-eat must not over-eat must not over-eat must not over-eat.
and the sounds of this suburb is The Chameleons-In Shreds:
Tuesday, 25 December 2007
Some of you may recall that I am adopted, so in the spirit of cheer I present to you some of my birth family, which really speaks volumes for the argument that nature has more influence than nurture!
l-r:nephew, half-sis, her hubby, niece!
I think there was much wrongness in my local last night, hell we have local pubs for local people nuff said.
Sunday, 23 December 2007
Saturday, 22 December 2007
Today
Had a majorly unproductive day today. YAY! Michael's coming over but he's REALLY late! YAY! We were going to go out to the local but I might crack open the Hammer box set instead. My dad rang me and has been really terribly supportive, which has cancelled out mother being a moo. Treble YAY!
Yule do as you're told
Well I've just been to get my Xmas food shop(which is basically the same as every other weeks food shop but with more vodka). Even skag eads shop at 2am it would seem. The ASDA(WALMART) is only shut for 2 days, there MUST be muchos waste at Christmas time people have been on the supermarket buying frenzy for weeks. Who eats it all?
I have been on family only Xmas alert this year due to drop in monski, but managed to FAIL in The ghastly White Rose Centre today by being mysteriously lured into Evans and Debenhams and buying myself a pair of jeans and a Chanel lip-gloss :-/, that's hardly the heart of frugal behaviour is it? (I know I have to go back to work to feed made Chanel make-up habit. I jest.I have to go back cos of the debts. Everything just feels so tainted regarding work, but I've promised myself not to dwell, I've made a decision to proceed with grievance, relax and just try for internal jobs that I fancy. I'm not going to just take anything, I don't want to act in haste and repent at leisure but I feel a bit desperate, ok a LOT desperate-I don't seem to handle conflict well. Also I feel conflicted internally as my mum and I 'fell-out' last week she said things down the phone 'your on the scrapheap of life' 'look at all your friends with careers overtaking you'. She also said things like 'who'd give you a job with your time off sick', like it hadn't fucking occured to me. I terminated the call just as she shreiked 'YOU HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK FULL TIME', just like I was taught to in a call centre. I feel very isolated.(She hasn't been returning my calls).And that my friends just sends me into a downward sprial of negativity and total self-doubt, and I've been crying more.I've been much more content of late, more stable and this is just making me feel like er shit. I wish I had no emotions, to be an automaton must be divine.
I nearly entered a competition today but the prise was £3000 to spend in Primark and really none of their clothes will ever fit me, even if I rule in the luck of me winning a major roll-over in the Lottery and had muchos surgery would they fit me, not that I could have surgery cos of the bleeding. Hmmm. I didn't enter. I'd be suprised if anyone would be able to spend £3000 in Primark, I bought my bro Sol 2 tops and a pair of trews there the other week and even that only came to £14!
In Other Tedious (mainly medical) News: I had 2 hospital appointments today, collected 3 prescriptions and had an injection of 5000 units of Factor VIII, (and have been to 4 shops, which almost felt like work not leisure!).I forgot to take my Depo Provera jab so another large dose of factor in the offing to prevent the muscle bleed. Oh and my chest infection is now clearing up, the Drs put me on a third course of anti-biotics, I've had a 3 day headache and a 24 hour nosebleed(not heavy just an n-oozebleed), I have vaginal thrush(which I get from anti-biotics and Depo Provera) my good ankle is feeling bad and my bad ankle has put in a grievance about the cold damp weather, and my gastro-intestinal tract has decided to bleed some more, which was a suprise given the 100% Factor VII levels. Hell, weeks like these were made for the pharmaceuticals anti-depressant/painkiller/blood product market!
I'm glad I've missed all the work Xmas do's, I don't feel even vaguely festive. At least by leaving the small black Xmas tree up all year I've saved myself the job of ' seasonaly decorating' the house.
Anyway I'm off to neck some numby pills and get some sleep.
Love and light y'all, it's Yule man :)
Laters x
I have been on family only Xmas alert this year due to drop in monski, but managed to FAIL in The ghastly White Rose Centre today by being mysteriously lured into Evans and Debenhams and buying myself a pair of jeans and a Chanel lip-gloss :-/, that's hardly the heart of frugal behaviour is it? (I know I have to go back to work to feed made Chanel make-up habit. I jest.I have to go back cos of the debts. Everything just feels so tainted regarding work, but I've promised myself not to dwell, I've made a decision to proceed with grievance, relax and just try for internal jobs that I fancy. I'm not going to just take anything, I don't want to act in haste and repent at leisure but I feel a bit desperate, ok a LOT desperate-I don't seem to handle conflict well. Also I feel conflicted internally as my mum and I 'fell-out' last week she said things down the phone 'your on the scrapheap of life' 'look at all your friends with careers overtaking you'. She also said things like 'who'd give you a job with your time off sick', like it hadn't fucking occured to me. I terminated the call just as she shreiked 'YOU HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK FULL TIME', just like I was taught to in a call centre. I feel very isolated.(She hasn't been returning my calls).And that my friends just sends me into a downward sprial of negativity and total self-doubt, and I've been crying more.I've been much more content of late, more stable and this is just making me feel like er shit. I wish I had no emotions, to be an automaton must be divine.
I nearly entered a competition today but the prise was £3000 to spend in Primark and really none of their clothes will ever fit me, even if I rule in the luck of me winning a major roll-over in the Lottery and had muchos surgery would they fit me, not that I could have surgery cos of the bleeding. Hmmm. I didn't enter. I'd be suprised if anyone would be able to spend £3000 in Primark, I bought my bro Sol 2 tops and a pair of trews there the other week and even that only came to £14!
In Other Tedious (mainly medical) News: I had 2 hospital appointments today, collected 3 prescriptions and had an injection of 5000 units of Factor VIII, (and have been to 4 shops, which almost felt like work not leisure!).I forgot to take my Depo Provera jab so another large dose of factor in the offing to prevent the muscle bleed. Oh and my chest infection is now clearing up, the Drs put me on a third course of anti-biotics, I've had a 3 day headache and a 24 hour nosebleed(not heavy just an n-oozebleed), I have vaginal thrush(which I get from anti-biotics and Depo Provera) my good ankle is feeling bad and my bad ankle has put in a grievance about the cold damp weather, and my gastro-intestinal tract has decided to bleed some more, which was a suprise given the 100% Factor VII levels. Hell, weeks like these were made for the pharmaceuticals anti-depressant/painkiller/blood product market!
I'm glad I've missed all the work Xmas do's, I don't feel even vaguely festive. At least by leaving the small black Xmas tree up all year I've saved myself the job of ' seasonaly decorating' the house.
Anyway I'm off to neck some numby pills and get some sleep.
Love and light y'all, it's Yule man :)
Laters x
The Barrowman rides again
Jamie's review of John Barrowman as Alladin:
"How ever you can get to Birmingham, get to the Hippodrome and see JB in Aladdin.
He is obscenely gorgeous.
He exudes energy.
He is obscenely talented.
What can't he do?
*sigh* *drools* *melts*
And there aren't many people who can make me melt.
Yes, I'm jealous of his energy and gorgeousness. In a nice way.
In the theatre cafe beforehand I was chatting with a family group, gran, mom and son. The gran asked me "Did John Barrowman make you come?" I just nodded and smiled ;).
Surrounded by groups of kids I had to control my "mrrrow" and "purrrrr" output."
"How ever you can get to Birmingham, get to the Hippodrome and see JB in Aladdin.
He is obscenely gorgeous.
He exudes energy.
He is obscenely talented.
What can't he do?
*sigh* *drools* *melts*
And there aren't many people who can make me melt.
Yes, I'm jealous of his energy and gorgeousness. In a nice way.
In the theatre cafe beforehand I was chatting with a family group, gran, mom and son. The gran asked me "Did John Barrowman make you come?" I just nodded and smiled ;).
Surrounded by groups of kids I had to control my "mrrrow" and "purrrrr" output."
Thursday, 20 December 2007
boot applying to arse time
The work things gotten all f**ked up. I'm putting in a formal grievance.
Spilling confidential information about a member of staff is completely against any decent HR policy and spilling personal medical information is even considered discriminatory. The tone of the email that went to 7 members of staff(but interestingly excluded me) "and has more or less been off-sick since then" is extremely perjorative and she should have stuck to the facts. Not that they were her facts to spread.
The more I read the whole email, the more shocked I become, she has disclosed EVERY confidential item of information regarding my employment history! 13 personal facts, in-fact.
I've been feeling fairly stable for a while but this is just knocking me for 6.I do feel picked on.I'm dreading going back to work.I feel like I'm being forced out.My small rant(that I deleted last week) was about my mother not being supportive, actually worse than 'not supportive'.
On a positive note - I did apply for another job today.
Spilling confidential information about a member of staff is completely against any decent HR policy and spilling personal medical information is even considered discriminatory. The tone of the email that went to 7 members of staff(but interestingly excluded me) "and has more or less been off-sick since then" is extremely perjorative and she should have stuck to the facts. Not that they were her facts to spread.
The more I read the whole email, the more shocked I become, she has disclosed EVERY confidential item of information regarding my employment history! 13 personal facts, in-fact.
I've been feeling fairly stable for a while but this is just knocking me for 6.I do feel picked on.I'm dreading going back to work.I feel like I'm being forced out.My small rant(that I deleted last week) was about my mother not being supportive, actually worse than 'not supportive'.
On a positive note - I did apply for another job today.
Wednesday, 19 December 2007
reflections meme
1. Was 2007 a good year for you?
ha ha, it could have been much worse. To be fair the medical shit was er shit, but I am fairly content right now.
2. What was your favorite moment of the year?
The Stooges gig, Whitby, The Violets gig, Club Lash in the spring, kareoke at Bens, most time with friends etc etc
3. What was your least favorite moment of the year?
Just one?! Having problems with mood disorder/depression Jan-May. FINALLY giving up Dave(he being like crack-cocaine to the soul and loins). Having 3 lots of surgery and 5 stays(28 nights) in hospital. Concurrently bleeding from every orifice(except ears!) and being in acute unearthly pain was pretty scary.
4. What are your plans for 2008?
To stay alive. To really live, not just exist. To enjoy. To love and be loved.
5. What countries did you visit?
England, Scotland, Germany
6. What date/s in 2007 will remain etched in your memory?
Friday 31st August,15th September, 6/26/27/28th Oct AND my friend Dougs marriage in May, shoot me for forgetting the exact date :-/
7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
probably being alive today (nicked that straight off ![[info]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
sturmed )
8. What was your biggest failure?
Getting v stressed about dying in hospital!
9. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
LOL, er yeah see q 3, oh and today having a chest Xray as I'm into the 5th week of a-more-on-than-off-selectively-anti-biotic-resistant-chest-infection
10. What was the best thing you bought?
um Bright Eyes-Cassadaga has given me immense pleasure
11. Who's behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
No one person did both.
12. Where did most of your money go?
Bills
13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The March Violets gig ;)
14. What songs will always remind you of 2007?
Any Jackie Leven, The Stooges-I Wanna Be Your Dog, New Model Army-Green and Grey, Joy Division Atmosphere, Bright Eyes-Cassadaga album, NiN-Year Zero album, The March Violets-Cut Down Pretty, seeing NiN performe live Hurt was one of the two songs that nearly made me cry ;), ok so maybe I did cry.
15. Compared to this time last year are you:
a) Fatter or thinner? Less fat
b) Happier or sadder? Happier
c) Richer or poorer? Poorer
16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
gigs, movies, socialising, exercise, laughing, making the effort to get outta town, cooking great healthy meals
17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
hospitals, crying, hiding under duvet
18. How will you be spending Christmas?
I go to the parents for a few hours eat, be merry, drive home, then drink. Probably.
19. Which LJ/MySpace users did you meet for the first time?
None (but I did meet the jpt from Blogger :))
20. Did you fall in love in 2007?
whatever!
21. How many one night stands?
3
22. What was your favourite TV show?
Torchwood, Heroes
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I'm too lazy for hate
24. What was/were the best books you read?
My Dirty Little Book Of Stolen Time-Liz Jensen-thanks gillywoo !
Secret History-Donna Tartt thanks bookclub and gillywoo
The Torchwood books - yeah I'm sad
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Bat For Lashes, Holy Fuck, Client, Explosions In The Sky, The Auteurs(-belatedly!)
26. What did you want and get?
An AV fistula that works! An mp3 player thanks da woo! Bongos. Happier. To see The March Violets live.
27. What did you want and not get?
Mutual-in-loveness, a tom-tom, a cd player, new flooring in the kitchen, a fixed door, a fridge freezer.
28. What was your favourite film this year?
Closer and Atonement
29. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I was 36 and got completely fucked at Whitby Golf Weekend, then the next night had some kareoke with friends :).
30. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?
more self-confidence/self-belief/self-worth and less ill-health
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
FuCKed!
32. What kept you sane?
Meds.Friends.Hope. Thank you :)
33. Which celebrity did you fancy the most?
I'm currently jacking off about Peter Petrelli, I know - who isn't?
34. Which political issue stirred you the most?
Mugabe and his persistence to live and fuck people/Zimbabwe over
35. Who did you miss?
Oh loads, friends that have moved away mostly.I've done well not to mention Dave more than once yet and I'm suprising myself by NOT missing what we had.
36. Did you treat somebody badly in 2007?
Allegedly.(I dumped someone)
37. Did somebody treat you badly in 2006?
Yeah, see above lol.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year?
I have such a joie de vivre and for so long it's been in bondage, yay for it's liberation(and bondage in the bedroom!)
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year...
"When panic grips your body and your heart is a hummingbird,
Raven thoughts blacken your mind until you're breathing in reverse,
All your friends and sedatives, mean well, but make it worse,
Every reassurance just magnifies the doubt,
Better find yourself a place to level out."
If The Brakeman Turns My Way-Bright Eyes
The weekend:
Wendyhouse
Rubber Santa!
Rubber Santa illustration by fetishman
My friend Keef Baker has written an Xmas song:
The lyrics to Rubber Santa < listen!
*Spoken*
So I was making my way back from the fetish night after a particularly successful threesome with the chuckle brothers. I was walking along and found that I still had the baby pacifier in my anus. It popped out with a very very happy feeling like it was being kissed by angels, and then I saw the man I’d been waiting for. I’d been bad all year, just so I could see him. It was Rubber Santa
=Verse 1=
He’s got a mince pie but it’s filled with shit
He’s got a mince pie but it’s filled with shit
He’s got a mince pie but it’s filled with shit
He’s gonna make you fucking eat it.
He’s got a nice hat but it’s covered in spikes
He’s got a nice hat but it’s covered in spikes
He’s got a nice hat but it’s covered in spikes
It’s gonna go where the fuck he likes
=Chorus=
If you’ve been a very bad boy
You’ll get him, Rubber Santa
If you sold your soul for a toy
You’ll get him, Rubber Santa
=Verse 2=
He stinks of death and his eyes are black
He stinks of death and his eyes are black
He stinks of death and his eyes are black
He’s gonna cut off your nutsack
He’s got a Christmas tree of dung
He’s got a Christmas tree of dung
He’s got a Christmas tree of dung
He’ll make you clean it with your tongue
=Chorus=
If you’ve been a very bad boy
You’ll get him, Rubber Santa
If you sold your soul for a toy
You’ll get him, Rubber Santa
*spoken in a weird voice*
Feel the Christmas lights bleeding out of your ears. Isn’t it just a sight to behold. Just feel that turkey cutting off your tongue with it’s beak. It’s all thanks to Rubber Santa.
He’s beautiful.
Every moment of your life you are judged, you’re examined to see if you’re bad or good. And if you are bad he will come and give you your prize.
A prize of suffering.
*Spoken*
So I was making my way back from the fetish night after a particularly successful threesome with the Chuckle Brothers. I was walking along and found that I still had the baby pacifier in my anus. It popped out with a very very happy feeling like it was being kissed by angels, and then I saw the man I’d been waiting for. I’d been bad all year, just so I could see him. It was Rubber Santa
=Chorus=
If you’ve been a very bad boy
You’ll get him, Rubber Santa
If you sold your soul for a toy
You’ll get him, Rubber Santa
If you’ve been a very bad boy
You’ll get him, Rubber Santa
If you sold your soul for a toy
You’ll get him, Rubber Santa
You’ll get him, Rubber Santa
You’ll get him, Rubber Santa
You’ll get him, Rubber Santa
You’ll get him, Rubber Santa
Rubber Santa
Rubber Santa
Thursday, 13 December 2007
Fire On Babylon
I just remembered from the meeting yesterday:
boss: 'I feel a bit guilty buying cheap shit clothes made in a sweatshop, exploiting ppl'(but she still does!)
NHS Human Resources Manager 'oh that doesn't matter'
...absolutely priceless!
They all sit and discuss things around me, it's funny though although these meetings often end up shouty(usually Union Rep shouting at our somewhat incompetent leader) they seem to have fallen into line now and are EXCEPTIONALLY reasonable, which really is a turn-tail from the first meeting :).
*edit* My mother and birth mother rang me up this week. Both managed to fuck me off. I wrote a great big diatribe about it here but deleted it out of guilt and shame.
"Oh yes a change has come":
That song speaks my emotive volumes clearer.
Managed to miss the bookclub cos for some reason I thought yesterday was Tuesday.Doh! Next book is : Jennifer Government by Max Barry, it's sci-fi and sounds quite interesting.
And Patrick Wolf in on Never Mind The Buzzcocks 9pm tonight. - *edit* oh bless his lovely little glittery head doing This Charming Man wiv bells and beads!
boss: 'I feel a bit guilty buying cheap shit clothes made in a sweatshop, exploiting ppl'(but she still does!)
NHS Human Resources Manager 'oh that doesn't matter'
...absolutely priceless!
They all sit and discuss things around me, it's funny though although these meetings often end up shouty(usually Union Rep shouting at our somewhat incompetent leader) they seem to have fallen into line now and are EXCEPTIONALLY reasonable, which really is a turn-tail from the first meeting :).
*edit* My mother and birth mother rang me up this week. Both managed to fuck me off. I wrote a great big diatribe about it here but deleted it out of guilt and shame.
"Oh yes a change has come":
That song speaks my emotive volumes clearer.
Managed to miss the bookclub cos for some reason I thought yesterday was Tuesday.Doh! Next book is : Jennifer Government by Max Barry, it's sci-fi and sounds quite interesting.
And Patrick Wolf in on Never Mind The Buzzcocks 9pm tonight. - *edit* oh bless his lovely little glittery head doing This Charming Man wiv bells and beads!
Wednesday, 12 December 2007
Hilary Briss special
In the summer of 2005 a 16 year old boy told his parents that he was gay. Their response was to send him to a fundamentalist Christian camp. He blogged about his experiences on his Myspace page. When his friends read about what he was going through, this is what happened ...
Had work meeting this afty/eve, presented myself and said providing bug gone I can be back on Monday. Small problem, I haven't got a desk anymore! Can I come back on the 2nd of January?! Well, of course! ;) The PCT has decided to try and move an extra 45 people into a building already too small and they are trying to force people to hotdesk.I'm sure that works fine for some individuals teams, but we are providing a service and are very resource heavy so I'm not sure how that will work, we can't move 3 tall-boys worth of resources round the building every week lol. Apparently if the PCT haven't found me a permanent desk the Union will take the PCT to a tribuneral under the Disability Discrimination Act.I sit in these meetings sometimes and wonder how they get so bloody complicated?! Its bonkers, so now I have to tell my Dr to sign me off and then sign me back as fit for work on the 2nd Jan.It's all the wrong way round.
Oh and the snot-fest is making my nose bleed, muchly. Off back to bed with some biscuits.
Tuesday, 11 December 2007
Gods Own Medicine?
I'm thinking of going to a Mission gig in February 08. Night one or two. You couldn't pay me to go to a gig where they played Children and beyond... Shame there's only one original band member left(I'd feel a bit fraudulent if I were they).I wonder if Hussey will wear a silly hat and dark shades for old times sake? The Mission were the third live band I ever saw, I think, although to be fair my memory's getting a little hazy. I can't remember if it was 1986/7, but am fairly sure it was the Gods Own Medicine Tour and All About Eve were supporting, but that could've been the second time I saw them at Leeds Uni. I think the first gig was at Leeds Poly. BAH to being an old bastard and having a holey collander for a memory! Either way it was a GREAT gig and I knew all the words to all the songs. Oh, if only life were so simple!
Cough, ear-ache and temperature back on with a vengeance, as predicted after my 'not looking after myself carnage' of Sat night. At least I'm cracking on with The Secret History by Donna Tart, bookclubs's tomorow, or Thursday, I can't remember. Michael rang and I got to verbally meet Miguel :).
Work meeting tomorrow at 4pm=Bollocks. I'm signed off sick till Monday.
I'll fast forward to Friday wehere I hope to be well enough to enjoy The Smiths and Joy Div tribute night.May just do gig and come straight home.If Kerry and Mark aren't going (I bloody hope they are!) I guess I could head on to Club Lash, it's a kinky tartan theme.I have nothing but a tartan headband. I guess I could be a Campbells Meatball?
Sat it's potentially The Spear Of Destiny and Wendyhouse, but I'm hanging fire with plans till I know I'm feeling ok. I've turned down the opportunity to see VNV Nation in Sheffield again, on Sat.
Cough, ear-ache and temperature back on with a vengeance, as predicted after my 'not looking after myself carnage' of Sat night. At least I'm cracking on with The Secret History by Donna Tart, bookclubs's tomorow, or Thursday, I can't remember. Michael rang and I got to verbally meet Miguel :).
Work meeting tomorrow at 4pm=Bollocks. I'm signed off sick till Monday.
I'll fast forward to Friday wehere I hope to be well enough to enjoy The Smiths and Joy Div tribute night.May just do gig and come straight home.If Kerry and Mark aren't going (I bloody hope they are!) I guess I could head on to Club Lash, it's a kinky tartan theme.I have nothing but a tartan headband. I guess I could be a Campbells Meatball?
Sat it's potentially The Spear Of Destiny and Wendyhouse, but I'm hanging fire with plans till I know I'm feeling ok. I've turned down the opportunity to see VNV Nation in Sheffield again, on Sat.
Also, I'd love to see this crack: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/11/arts/design/11crac.html?ex=1355029200&en=0005c55b743ea743&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss - crack sells!
x
Sunday, 9 December 2007
blood runs through our veins...that's where our similarity ends
The March Violets.
Totally surreal.
Conflicting emotions.
You're stood there listening to a band that you're bang into, who broke up before you got into them. I was beaming like a broken fangirl, but something just felt too wrong/too retro. I felt like I was gonna break open a rift in the space-time continuum just being party to it. Is anything possible? Don't get me wrong I enjoyed/loved the gig. I just felt out of time. And out of place. It was a bit like sex with an ex, there's still something intangible drawing you there, it's just not quite right anymore. Do you know what I mean? They did the whole back catalogue, sounded exactly how they sound on record, and did 4(?) new songs. I was 3 rows from the front and the mosh pit wasn't too violent, until the last 3 songs(I moved!). I really don't get why boys at gigs have to be such total knobs sometimes, violence at gigs ain't big and it ain't clever. The Riot grrrl ethos faded fast from the gig-going consciousness m'afraid.It was a meak gig for the moshing really, I just don't know why some folk quite literally haven to throw their weight around? This really isn't a gripe with The Violets gig, just a general ongoing, gig-going gripe.Maybe I'm just getting old, lol!
Most notably I re-met 'big gay Michael', my dear old friend, who I lost touch with apx 8yrs ago due to me not being able to understand him. He'd not changed his first language it was just the drugs took over (him lol) and we couldn't get to a meaningful sentence between us. We lost touch accidently. We were a bit crap to be honest. Anyway, I saw him and burst into tears of joy and now we're back in touch, simple. If I'm honest though between his expressions of pure genius and/or wrongness I've still no idea what's going on, but that doesn't seem so important anymore ;).We've had some amazingly hilarious journies and I'd trust that man with my life. I'm off to see his mum and dad, and meet his boyfriend over Xmas.He's in love. We talked of the fragility of that state. It's good to see him happy and loved. I was so ardent in my exasperated attempts to ensure that we wouldn't lose touch again I even gave him my mums telephone number, lol masochist? Maybe.My mum taught him flower arranging. Oh Christ, his grandma, what a woman, we reminisced about her drunkenly crashing his party and making everyone Harvey Wallbangers. Also finding the pavlova me and Mike had hidden in the washing machine so we could selfishly indulge when everyone else had left, only gran had already put her smalls in there LOL(we really hadn't noticed)! Her sprightly statement of "There's a pavlova in mi gusset" will haunt me till my dying day! (delivered in the finest Liverpudlian accent).
Why did I eat toilet paper?
There's an endless checklist of people I met/chatted with and I'm just journalling this for my benefit of my dire memory: Sir Ann(who kindly showed me lots of pictures of pervs from Club Lash and Pete Wiley from The Mighty Wah), Chad and Angela-the lovecats, the ever wonderful Mark and Kerry, Linzi, my delightful Gilly, Ian,Chris Tofu, Jason C, Little Steve, Vicky, Fraggle, Glenny, Ian Sturmed(who's a really nice ((single)) bloke, AND he remembered me FAVOURABLY despite me drunkenly pinching his ass at Whitby and possibly the only person I may have offended in the whole evening LOL! Top marks H), Tricia, Tom, John dj, Claire, Clare, Phono Clare, Sarah-peddle or pebble?, Dawn, Jeane, other Kerry, Pete, Mike the vegan, Big Daz, Martin Laaaarner, Madrid Marco, and the old Batfish Boys road crew from Bedford, (Georgie, Richard, Danny, Benoit-from Salvation), the dj from Club Lash who's kilt I looked up-I apologised retrospectively for this and forseeably, just in case I do it again ;). Oddly Mick Brown from The Mission's wife was selling TMV t-shirts. Michael tried to give her his page of poetry...LOLOL! Oh and I made Tom Ashton from The Violets feel my vibrating arm. I have no idea why? My, how that arm gets around. Oh, and Simon D spoke to me(small 'oooh'!), nothing too involved or heavy, well just 'big t-shirts for fat people', this seems to be a recurring theme in our communication.
Mikey/Nikitta quite frankly looked bored shitless at (many)junctures during the evening(and his 5" heels were killing him), this's what happens when an old goth meets lots of other old goths I guess - for around 3 hours I just shuffled between smoking area and loo and back, with about 50 million chat stops. Perfect! Not so perfect was some of these people may not have seen me since I was 19, drunk and high and I'm kinda wondering what's changed. Hmm.
I'm a bit numb. It's also 8.22 am and I've not slept yet. Despite my chest infection and temperature I did well(I will suffer dearly now though). Also (I do hope somewhat successfully, but it is the taking part that counts) I managed to carry off PVC, leather, cat ears, a hairpiece, sequins, black and silver false eyelashes and pearls. I just love wearing a pearl necklace.
Give me one good reason, give me my s....
Coming down, I need a bath, blah blah blah, wash the sin away, relax.
Totally surreal.
Conflicting emotions.
You're stood there listening to a band that you're bang into, who broke up before you got into them. I was beaming like a broken fangirl, but something just felt too wrong/too retro. I felt like I was gonna break open a rift in the space-time continuum just being party to it. Is anything possible? Don't get me wrong I enjoyed/loved the gig. I just felt out of time. And out of place. It was a bit like sex with an ex, there's still something intangible drawing you there, it's just not quite right anymore. Do you know what I mean? They did the whole back catalogue, sounded exactly how they sound on record, and did 4(?) new songs. I was 3 rows from the front and the mosh pit wasn't too violent, until the last 3 songs(I moved!). I really don't get why boys at gigs have to be such total knobs sometimes, violence at gigs ain't big and it ain't clever. The Riot grrrl ethos faded fast from the gig-going consciousness m'afraid.It was a meak gig for the moshing really, I just don't know why some folk quite literally haven to throw their weight around? This really isn't a gripe with The Violets gig, just a general ongoing, gig-going gripe.Maybe I'm just getting old, lol!
Most notably I re-met 'big gay Michael', my dear old friend, who I lost touch with apx 8yrs ago due to me not being able to understand him. He'd not changed his first language it was just the drugs took over (him lol) and we couldn't get to a meaningful sentence between us. We lost touch accidently. We were a bit crap to be honest. Anyway, I saw him and burst into tears of joy and now we're back in touch, simple. If I'm honest though between his expressions of pure genius and/or wrongness I've still no idea what's going on, but that doesn't seem so important anymore ;).We've had some amazingly hilarious journies and I'd trust that man with my life. I'm off to see his mum and dad, and meet his boyfriend over Xmas.He's in love. We talked of the fragility of that state. It's good to see him happy and loved. I was so ardent in my exasperated attempts to ensure that we wouldn't lose touch again I even gave him my mums telephone number, lol masochist? Maybe.My mum taught him flower arranging. Oh Christ, his grandma, what a woman, we reminisced about her drunkenly crashing his party and making everyone Harvey Wallbangers. Also finding the pavlova me and Mike had hidden in the washing machine so we could selfishly indulge when everyone else had left, only gran had already put her smalls in there LOL(we really hadn't noticed)! Her sprightly statement of "There's a pavlova in mi gusset" will haunt me till my dying day! (delivered in the finest Liverpudlian accent).
Why did I eat toilet paper?
There's an endless checklist of people I met/chatted with and I'm just journalling this for my benefit of my dire memory: Sir Ann(who kindly showed me lots of pictures of pervs from Club Lash and Pete Wiley from The Mighty Wah), Chad and Angela-the lovecats, the ever wonderful Mark and Kerry, Linzi, my delightful Gilly, Ian,Chris Tofu, Jason C, Little Steve, Vicky, Fraggle, Glenny, Ian Sturmed(who's a really nice ((single)) bloke, AND he remembered me FAVOURABLY despite me drunkenly pinching his ass at Whitby and possibly the only person I may have offended in the whole evening LOL! Top marks H), Tricia, Tom, John dj, Claire, Clare, Phono Clare, Sarah-peddle or pebble?, Dawn, Jeane, other Kerry, Pete, Mike the vegan, Big Daz, Martin Laaaarner, Madrid Marco, and the old Batfish Boys road crew from Bedford, (Georgie, Richard, Danny, Benoit-from Salvation), the dj from Club Lash who's kilt I looked up-I apologised retrospectively for this and forseeably, just in case I do it again ;). Oddly Mick Brown from The Mission's wife was selling TMV t-shirts. Michael tried to give her his page of poetry...LOLOL! Oh and I made Tom Ashton from The Violets feel my vibrating arm. I have no idea why? My, how that arm gets around. Oh, and Simon D spoke to me(small 'oooh'!), nothing too involved or heavy, well just 'big t-shirts for fat people', this seems to be a recurring theme in our communication.
Mikey/Nikitta quite frankly looked bored shitless at (many)junctures during the evening(and his 5" heels were killing him), this's what happens when an old goth meets lots of other old goths I guess - for around 3 hours I just shuffled between smoking area and loo and back, with about 50 million chat stops. Perfect! Not so perfect was some of these people may not have seen me since I was 19, drunk and high and I'm kinda wondering what's changed. Hmm.
I'm a bit numb. It's also 8.22 am and I've not slept yet. Despite my chest infection and temperature I did well(I will suffer dearly now though). Also (I do hope somewhat successfully, but it is the taking part that counts) I managed to carry off PVC, leather, cat ears, a hairpiece, sequins, black and silver false eyelashes and pearls. I just love wearing a pearl necklace.
Give me one good reason, give me my s....
Coming down, I need a bath, blah blah blah, wash the sin away, relax.
Saturday, 8 December 2007
OMFG I have nothing to wear!
lol PVC with a temperature, what am I thinking?!
So 25 years later here we are. KICKING!
The March Violets - A Natural History
Hitler Becomes Dictator...
After the elections of March 5, 1933, the Nazis began a systematic takeover of the state governments throughout Germany, ending a centuries old tradition of local political independence. Armed SA and SS thugs barged into local government offices using the state of emergency decree as a pretext to throw out legitimate office holders and replace them with Nazi Reich commissioners.
Political enemies were arrested by the thousands and put in hastily constructed holding pens. Old army barracks and abandoned factories were used as prisons. Once inside, prisoners were subjected to military style drills and harsh discipline. They were often beaten and sometimes even tortured to death. This was the very beginning of the Nazi concentration camp system.
At this time, these early concentration camps were loosely organized under the control of the SA and the rival SS. Many were little more than barbed wire stockades know as 'wild' concentration camps, set up by local Gauleiters and SA leaders.
For Adolf Hitler, the goal of a legally established dictatorship was now within reach. On March 15, 1933, a cabinet meeting was held during which Hitler and Göring discussed how to obstruct what was left of the democratic process to get an Enabling Act passed by the Reichstag. This law would hand over the constitutional functions of the Reichstag to Hitler, including the power to make laws, control the budget and approve treaties with foreign governments.
The emergency decree signed by Hindenburg on February 28, after the Reichstag fire, made it easy for them to interfere with non-Nazi elected representatives of the people by simply arresting them.
As Hitler plotted to bring democracy to an end in Germany, Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels put together a brilliant public relations display at the official opening of the newly elected Reichstag.
On March 21, in the Garrison Church at Potsdam, the burial place of Frederick the Great, an elaborate ceremony took place designed to ease public concern over Hitler and his gangster-like new regime.
It was attended by President Hindenburg, foreign diplomats, the General Staff and all the old guard going back to the days of the Kaiser. Dressed in their handsome uniforms sprinkled with medals, they watched a most reverent Adolf Hitler give a speech paying respect to Hindenburg and celebrating the union of old Prussian military traditions and the new Nazi Reich. As a symbol of this, the old Imperial flags would soon add swastikas.
Finishing his speech, Hitler walked over to Hindenburg and respectfully bowed before him while taking hold of the old man's hand. The scene was recorded on film and by press photographers from around the world. This was precisely the impression Hitler and Goebbels wanted to give to the world, all the while plotting to toss aside Hindenburg and the elected Reichstag.
Later that same day, Hindenburg signed two decrees put before him by Hitler. The first offered full pardons to all Nazis currently in prison. The prison doors sprang open and out came an assortment of Nazi thugs and murderers.
The second decree signed by the befuddled old man allowed for the arrest of anyone suspected of maliciously criticizing the government and the Nazi party.
A third decree signed only by Hitler and Papen allowed for the establishment of special courts to try political offenders. These courts were conducted in the military style of a court-martial without a jury and usually with no counsel for the defense.
On March 23, the newly elected Reichstag met in the Kroll Opera House in Berlin to consider passing Hitler's Enabling Act. It was officially called the "Law for Removing the Distress of the People and the Reich." If passed, it would in effect vote democracy out of existence in Germany and establish the legal dictatorship of Adolf Hitler.
Brown-shirted Nazi storm troopers swarmed over the fancy old building in a show of force and as a visible threat. They stood outside, in the hallways and even lined the aisles inside, glaring ominously at anyone who might oppose Hitler's will.
Before the vote, Hitler made a speech in which he pledged to use restraint.
"The government will make use of these powers only insofar as they are essential for carrying out vitally necessary measures...The number of cases in which an internal necessity exists for having recourse to such a law is in itself a limited one," Hitler told the Reichstag.
He also promised an end to unemployment and pledged to promote peace with France, Great Britain and the Soviet Union. But in order to do all this, Hitler said, he first needed the Enabling Act. A two-thirds majority was needed, since the law would actually alter the constitution. Hitler needed 31 non-Nazi votes to pass it. He got those votes from the Catholic Center Party after making a false promise to restore some basic rights already taken away by decree.
Meanwhile, Nazi storm troopers chanted outside: "Full powers - or else! We want the bill - or fire and murder!!"
But one man arose amid the overwhelming might. Otto Wells, leader of the Social Democrats stood up and spoke quietly to Hitler.
"We German Social Democrats pledge ourselves solemnly in this historic hour to the principles of humanity and justice, of freedom and socialism. No enabling act can give you power to destroy ideas which are eternal and indestructible."
Hitler was enraged and jumped up to respond.
"You are no longer needed! - The star of Germany will rise and yours will sink! Your death knell has sounded!"
The vote was taken - 441 for, and only 84, the Social Democrats, against. The Nazis leapt to their feet clapping, stamping and shouting, then broke into the Nazi anthem, the Hörst Wessel song.
Democracy was ended. They had brought down the German Democratic Republic legally. From this day onward, the Reichstag would be just a sounding board, a cheering section for Hitler's pronouncements.
Interestingly, the Nazi party was now flooded with applications for membership. These latecomers were cynically labeled by old time Nazis as 'March Violets.' In May, the Nazi Party froze membership. Many of those kept out applied to the SA and the SS which were still accepting. However, in early 1934, Heinrich Himmler would throw out 50,000 of those 'March Violets' from the SS.
The Nazi Gleichschaltung now began, a massive coordination of all aspects of life under the swastika and the absolute leadership of Adolf Hitler.
Under Hitler, the State, not the individual, was supreme.
From the moment of birth one existed to serve the State and obey the dictates of the Führer. Those who disagreed were disposed of.
Many agreed. Bureaucrats, industrialists, even intellectual and literary figures, including Gerhart Hauptmann, world renowned dramatist, were coming out in open support of Hitler.
Many disagreed and left the country. A flood of the finest minds, including over two thousand writers, scientists, and people in the arts poured out of Germany and enriched other lands, mostly the United States. Among them - writer Thomas Mann, director Fritz Lang, actress Marlene Dietrich, architect Walter Gropius, musicians Otto Klemperer, Kurt Weill, Richard Tauber, psychologist Sigmund Freud, and Albert Einstein, who was visiting California when Hitler came to power and never returned to Germany.
In Germany, there were now constant Nazi rallies, parades, marches and meetings amid the relentless propaganda of Goebbels and the omnipresent swastika. For those who remained there was an odd mixture of fear and optimism in the air.
Now, for the first time as dictator, Adolf Hitler turned his attention to the driving force which had propelled him into politics in the first place, his hatred of the Jews. It began with a simple boycott on April 1, 1933, and would end years later in the greatest tragedy in all of human history.
So 25 years later here we are. KICKING!
The March Violets - A Natural History
Hitler Becomes Dictator...
After the elections of March 5, 1933, the Nazis began a systematic takeover of the state governments throughout Germany, ending a centuries old tradition of local political independence. Armed SA and SS thugs barged into local government offices using the state of emergency decree as a pretext to throw out legitimate office holders and replace them with Nazi Reich commissioners.
Political enemies were arrested by the thousands and put in hastily constructed holding pens. Old army barracks and abandoned factories were used as prisons. Once inside, prisoners were subjected to military style drills and harsh discipline. They were often beaten and sometimes even tortured to death. This was the very beginning of the Nazi concentration camp system.
At this time, these early concentration camps were loosely organized under the control of the SA and the rival SS. Many were little more than barbed wire stockades know as 'wild' concentration camps, set up by local Gauleiters and SA leaders.
For Adolf Hitler, the goal of a legally established dictatorship was now within reach. On March 15, 1933, a cabinet meeting was held during which Hitler and Göring discussed how to obstruct what was left of the democratic process to get an Enabling Act passed by the Reichstag. This law would hand over the constitutional functions of the Reichstag to Hitler, including the power to make laws, control the budget and approve treaties with foreign governments.
The emergency decree signed by Hindenburg on February 28, after the Reichstag fire, made it easy for them to interfere with non-Nazi elected representatives of the people by simply arresting them.
As Hitler plotted to bring democracy to an end in Germany, Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels put together a brilliant public relations display at the official opening of the newly elected Reichstag.
On March 21, in the Garrison Church at Potsdam, the burial place of Frederick the Great, an elaborate ceremony took place designed to ease public concern over Hitler and his gangster-like new regime.
It was attended by President Hindenburg, foreign diplomats, the General Staff and all the old guard going back to the days of the Kaiser. Dressed in their handsome uniforms sprinkled with medals, they watched a most reverent Adolf Hitler give a speech paying respect to Hindenburg and celebrating the union of old Prussian military traditions and the new Nazi Reich. As a symbol of this, the old Imperial flags would soon add swastikas.
Finishing his speech, Hitler walked over to Hindenburg and respectfully bowed before him while taking hold of the old man's hand. The scene was recorded on film and by press photographers from around the world. This was precisely the impression Hitler and Goebbels wanted to give to the world, all the while plotting to toss aside Hindenburg and the elected Reichstag.
Later that same day, Hindenburg signed two decrees put before him by Hitler. The first offered full pardons to all Nazis currently in prison. The prison doors sprang open and out came an assortment of Nazi thugs and murderers.
The second decree signed by the befuddled old man allowed for the arrest of anyone suspected of maliciously criticizing the government and the Nazi party.
A third decree signed only by Hitler and Papen allowed for the establishment of special courts to try political offenders. These courts were conducted in the military style of a court-martial without a jury and usually with no counsel for the defense.
On March 23, the newly elected Reichstag met in the Kroll Opera House in Berlin to consider passing Hitler's Enabling Act. It was officially called the "Law for Removing the Distress of the People and the Reich." If passed, it would in effect vote democracy out of existence in Germany and establish the legal dictatorship of Adolf Hitler.
Brown-shirted Nazi storm troopers swarmed over the fancy old building in a show of force and as a visible threat. They stood outside, in the hallways and even lined the aisles inside, glaring ominously at anyone who might oppose Hitler's will.
Before the vote, Hitler made a speech in which he pledged to use restraint.
"The government will make use of these powers only insofar as they are essential for carrying out vitally necessary measures...The number of cases in which an internal necessity exists for having recourse to such a law is in itself a limited one," Hitler told the Reichstag.
He also promised an end to unemployment and pledged to promote peace with France, Great Britain and the Soviet Union. But in order to do all this, Hitler said, he first needed the Enabling Act. A two-thirds majority was needed, since the law would actually alter the constitution. Hitler needed 31 non-Nazi votes to pass it. He got those votes from the Catholic Center Party after making a false promise to restore some basic rights already taken away by decree.
Meanwhile, Nazi storm troopers chanted outside: "Full powers - or else! We want the bill - or fire and murder!!"
But one man arose amid the overwhelming might. Otto Wells, leader of the Social Democrats stood up and spoke quietly to Hitler.
"We German Social Democrats pledge ourselves solemnly in this historic hour to the principles of humanity and justice, of freedom and socialism. No enabling act can give you power to destroy ideas which are eternal and indestructible."
Hitler was enraged and jumped up to respond.
"You are no longer needed! - The star of Germany will rise and yours will sink! Your death knell has sounded!"
The vote was taken - 441 for, and only 84, the Social Democrats, against. The Nazis leapt to their feet clapping, stamping and shouting, then broke into the Nazi anthem, the Hörst Wessel song.
Democracy was ended. They had brought down the German Democratic Republic legally. From this day onward, the Reichstag would be just a sounding board, a cheering section for Hitler's pronouncements.
Interestingly, the Nazi party was now flooded with applications for membership. These latecomers were cynically labeled by old time Nazis as 'March Violets.' In May, the Nazi Party froze membership. Many of those kept out applied to the SA and the SS which were still accepting. However, in early 1934, Heinrich Himmler would throw out 50,000 of those 'March Violets' from the SS.
The Nazi Gleichschaltung now began, a massive coordination of all aspects of life under the swastika and the absolute leadership of Adolf Hitler.
Under Hitler, the State, not the individual, was supreme.
From the moment of birth one existed to serve the State and obey the dictates of the Führer. Those who disagreed were disposed of.
Many agreed. Bureaucrats, industrialists, even intellectual and literary figures, including Gerhart Hauptmann, world renowned dramatist, were coming out in open support of Hitler.
Many disagreed and left the country. A flood of the finest minds, including over two thousand writers, scientists, and people in the arts poured out of Germany and enriched other lands, mostly the United States. Among them - writer Thomas Mann, director Fritz Lang, actress Marlene Dietrich, architect Walter Gropius, musicians Otto Klemperer, Kurt Weill, Richard Tauber, psychologist Sigmund Freud, and Albert Einstein, who was visiting California when Hitler came to power and never returned to Germany.
In Germany, there were now constant Nazi rallies, parades, marches and meetings amid the relentless propaganda of Goebbels and the omnipresent swastika. For those who remained there was an odd mixture of fear and optimism in the air.
Now, for the first time as dictator, Adolf Hitler turned his attention to the driving force which had propelled him into politics in the first place, his hatred of the Jews. It began with a simple boycott on April 1, 1933, and would end years later in the greatest tragedy in all of human history.
WTF?
I went to Asda(WALMART-the letters keep getting biggeR) tonight to procure a few essentials and was horrified to learn they were out of common or garden Hoummus. There was no Hoummus, plain simple low fat or full fat Hoummus.
But prey tell what was there instead of common or garden Hoummus???....
Hoummus with roasted red pepper
Hoummus with roasted garlic and pesto
Hoummus with caramelised red onion marmalade
I'm kinda wondering where these Asda aspirations to be Waitrose came from? What happend to a good old social class B1 Hoummus, or is that by definition inverted snobbery?
I know, I know Hoummus is only lemon juice, olive oil, chickpeas and garlic and I COULD make my own(I think last time I nearly accidently rotted someones stomach lining by replacing 4 cloves with 4 bulbs of garlic!Great for the immune system though LOL) but the world is a safer place if I leave the blender alone. Trust me.
So ladies and gents for my tea tonight I had baked beans on toast topped with Hoummus with roasted garlic and pesto(and ketchup) and quite teh yumz in teh tumz it was too. Hey it's a slippery slope...
But prey tell what was there instead of common or garden Hoummus???....
Hoummus with roasted red pepper
Hoummus with roasted garlic and pesto
Hoummus with caramelised red onion marmalade
I'm kinda wondering where these Asda aspirations to be Waitrose came from? What happend to a good old social class B1 Hoummus, or is that by definition inverted snobbery?
I know, I know Hoummus is only lemon juice, olive oil, chickpeas and garlic and I COULD make my own(I think last time I nearly accidently rotted someones stomach lining by replacing 4 cloves with 4 bulbs of garlic!Great for the immune system though LOL) but the world is a safer place if I leave the blender alone. Trust me.
So ladies and gents for my tea tonight I had baked beans on toast topped with Hoummus with roasted garlic and pesto(and ketchup) and quite teh yumz in teh tumz it was too. Hey it's a slippery slope...
Thursday, 6 December 2007
The old familiar sting
I need to stop being a contradictory whinge-bag, how can I complain about loneliness when I've had someone staying for 5 days? Ok, I'm over myself now! Back on the needle-track.
Here's the eponymous Reznor, Hurt-ing:
Respond with ONLY a ONE word response:
1. Where is your cell phone? pocket
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend? none
3. Your hair? fucked
4. Work? Huh?
5. Your father? DeadAndAliveHave2 (ok I cheated on that answer-shoot me:P. ps this is no ref to Pete Burns)
6. Your favorite thing? Rupertcat
7. Your dream last night? sexmagick
8. Your favorite drink? earlgrey
9. Your dream car? chittychittybangbang
10. The room you’re in? kitchen
11. pit: despair
12. Your fears? fleas
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Alive
14. Where did you hang out last night? Home
15. What you’re not good at? Patience
17. One of your wish list items? Book
18. Where you grew up? Horsforth
19. The last thing you did? drove
20. What are you wearing? Pj's
21. What aren’t you wearing? makeup
23. Your computer? freefrommikey (and here!)
24. Your life? Surreal
25. Your mood? blah
26. Missing? wellness
27. What are you thinking about right now? Sat
28. Your car? Ka
29. Your work? *laughs*
30. Your summer? insanity
31. Your relationship status? Vacant
32. Your favorite color? Black
33. When is the last time you laughed? Now
34. Last time you cried? Tues
35. School? Through
Here's the eponymous Reznor, Hurt-ing:
Respond with ONLY a ONE word response:
1. Where is your cell phone? pocket
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend? none
3. Your hair? fucked
4. Work? Huh?
5. Your father? DeadAndAliveHave2 (ok I cheated on that answer-shoot me:P. ps this is no ref to Pete Burns)
6. Your favorite thing? Rupertcat
7. Your dream last night? sexmagick
8. Your favorite drink? earlgrey
9. Your dream car? chittychittybangbang
10. The room you’re in? kitchen
11. pit: despair
12. Your fears? fleas
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Alive
14. Where did you hang out last night? Home
15. What you’re not good at? Patience
17. One of your wish list items? Book
18. Where you grew up? Horsforth
19. The last thing you did? drove
20. What are you wearing? Pj's
21. What aren’t you wearing? makeup
23. Your computer? freefrommikey (and here!)
24. Your life? Surreal
25. Your mood? blah
26. Missing? wellness
27. What are you thinking about right now? Sat
28. Your car? Ka
29. Your work? *laughs*
30. Your summer? insanity
31. Your relationship status? Vacant
32. Your favorite color? Black
33. When is the last time you laughed? Now
34. Last time you cried? Tues
35. School? Through
Bleugh!
A pretty dull few days...half-bro been over and as I wasn't going away he stayed longer(with Heidi the cat), I think I could have done with some alone/recovery time tbh but it's not all about me. We saw Aunty Iris the other day she has ovarian and stomach cancer, so things ain't looking too rosy, I wish I'd been firmer with her sooner about going to the Drs, she's been losing weight since January, she's just never been ill and is a bit stubborn, I never know how much to push people and always worry that I've not done enough. Anyway I've mainly slept these last few days, not been very sociable...I have the lurgy/chest infection. I've totally dropped off my prophy regime, now no more ass bleeding, I still should be doing prophy but I'm not motivated.Last night I found a pack of Keflex anti-biotics kicking about so I'm necking them. Days and Nights of sleep and fevered dreams, they've at least moved from death to sex magick and candle magick ;), AND I've got through part 1 series 1 of Heroes, roll on the 10th December. It's getting to that lonely time of year, haven't had a phone call in days, I'm just holed up ringing no-one either, it's a 2 way street.I'm dreading going back to work, I feel paranoid already and like I'm gonna fuck-up.How can I work 4 days a week when I sleep 12 to 17hours a day. I've got an appointment imminent with the sleep clinic. I woke up 52 times the other night, yet was still feeling exhausted.
Anyway, priorities:
I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.
*Edit* yeeeha! - I WILL BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY! ;)
slashfic Heroes / The Divinyls 'I touch myself' - lovin it :):
Anyway, priorities:
I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.I MUST BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY.
*Edit* yeeeha! - I WILL BE WELL FOR THE MARCH VIOLETS ON SATURDAY! ;)
slashfic Heroes / The Divinyls 'I touch myself' - lovin it :):
Sunday, 2 December 2007
oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head.../I'm in love with a time machine
WAD-Went to the vigil and 'do' was good to see Mark and Jeni and meet Nicki, oh and bump into the man who sits behind me at work LOL! Owen's a nice chap though, we are quite conspiratorial about my loud and obnoxious boss, and Christ his boyf was HOT! We did the vigil inside, which to me defies the objective of awareness and profile raising, but I guess that isn't the whole point of rememberance.It was wadding it down and the German Xmas Market(with fun fair) TOTALLY defies the one minutes silence! A Leeds MP came and gave a bit of a soap-box moment, he's very aware of the national and international HIV and Aids issues and at least we didn't feel his enthusiasm was tokenism. We all went for a couple of bevvies together and then me and Mark headed for The Spice Bar Restaurant, it's one of these crazy all you can eat 3 course buffets with a total selection of hot and cold dishes, my god I ate for England!Was hearing about Marks NYE plans and the rivers of Champagne and food from Berlins equivalent of Harrods Food Hall, oh and the glitter theme, I joked(I'm not joking) that I should get over to Berlin and just sit below their balconies in a semblence of glitter and awe and get the odd tit-bit! He's an inspirational guy. We talked work a bit, which was ok, didn't freak me out too much!
Despite getting to bed afore 2am still didn't wake up til 4.05pm :( and my nose commenced the bleeding...
Tomorrow I have a work Occy Health mtg which I'm dreading as it's at 9.30am !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also my birth mum put on my birthday card 'It would be good to hear from you' and then procedded to write nothing other than 'Happy Birthday', this really irks me. She comes to Leeds once a month (for the last decade) and has NEVER bothered to come and see me, and that my friends makes me feel rejected all over again. I guess I can write to her but I will find it hard to be positive in the letter.
Oh Christ - this is divine a mash-up Kylie's "2 Hearts," a cover version of Goldfrapp's "Strict Machine, The Killers' "Smile Like You Mean It" and The Timelord's "Doctorin The Tardis" LUSTY GENIUS!: http://www.arjanwrites.com/arjanwrites/2007/11/listen-to-fast.html
-Wouldn't that make a better Xmas Number 1 campers?!
SPIDEY CAT!:
*edit* I am teh failz for opening a large box of Scottish butter short-bread. They were meant to be an Xmas pressie for the neighbours.
Despite getting to bed afore 2am still didn't wake up til 4.05pm :( and my nose commenced the bleeding...
Tomorrow I have a work Occy Health mtg which I'm dreading as it's at 9.30am !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also my birth mum put on my birthday card 'It would be good to hear from you' and then procedded to write nothing other than 'Happy Birthday', this really irks me. She comes to Leeds once a month (for the last decade) and has NEVER bothered to come and see me, and that my friends makes me feel rejected all over again. I guess I can write to her but I will find it hard to be positive in the letter.
Oh Christ - this is divine a mash-up Kylie's "2 Hearts," a cover version of Goldfrapp's "Strict Machine, The Killers' "Smile Like You Mean It" and The Timelord's "Doctorin The Tardis" LUSTY GENIUS!: http://www.arjanwrites.com/arjanwrites/2007/11/listen-to-fast.html
-Wouldn't that make a better Xmas Number 1 campers?!
SPIDEY CAT!:
*edit* I am teh failz for opening a large box of Scottish butter short-bread. They were meant to be an Xmas pressie for the neighbours.
Saturday, 1 December 2007
vroom vroom - the leader of the pack
EVEL KNIEVEL DIES November 30, 2007
"Motorcycle daredevil Evel Knievel, whose stunts made him an international icon in the 1970s, died Friday at the age of 69.
Knievel's death was confirmed by his granddaughter, Krysten Knievel. He had been in failing health for years, suffering from diabetes and idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, an incurable condition that scarred his lungs.
Knievel had undergone a liver transplant in 1999 after nearly dying of hepatitis C, likely contracted through a blood transfusion after one of his bone-shattering spills.
The motorcylist was in the news recently after settling a lawsuit against Kayne West. Knievel sued the rapper last year over use of his trademarked image in a popular West music video."
Rest in peace ya crazy fucking bastard, we bleeders were rootin for ya! xxx
Friday, 30 November 2007
I'm living in...
Had a bizarre, yet lengthy dream last night about falling over on grass alot, buying a back-to-back terraced house nearer Leeds City Centre in 1986, was hanging out with Kirk Brandon, Joolz Denby, Janice Long and Justin Sullivan eating pot noodle, cool, I had way more parties than in reality! I think this ageing business is getting to me.
... the 80's
Kirk looking like a reet muscle Mary:
... the 80's
Kirk looking like a reet muscle Mary:
A.1. style, from head to toe, Cool cat flash, gonna let you know, I'm a soul boy, I'm a dole boy, Take pleasure in leisure, I believe in joy!
My life is getting a bit tedious, I think it's not helped that I go to bed in the dark and re-awaken when it's dark. If I don't set an alarm clock I sleep through for a full 12 hours. Going to bed at 5/6am is not right! It's now 2.17am, I'm alert as hell, so I'm gonna watch an episode or two of Heroes then drug myself to sleep! I'm heading for hibernation fast... Which reminds me I've been thinking about pets again, I miss having something to live with, I wonder if I got a tortoise again things might be better, my first tortoise Sarah died in hibernation, I don't have a garden just a back yard backing onto a textile mill, hardly tortiose frigging heaven. Sarah was great I like animals that go slowly(like me).The only down side was she wee'd on me and I took great offence and spoiled my mothers coffee morning by busting in on the ladies with their china cups and saucers, doilies(-I have no clue how to spell that) and cakes, by wailing and showing them tortoise wee on me. I thought it meant Sarah didn't like me, I guess she just needed to go. It's funny now, if a person asked you to wee on them(as an adult) you'd think it meant they really liked you. There's nowt queer as folk(not tortoises).
I have dug out just about every old indie/trad goth/new wave/alt cd to lend to Gill, she's worried the post Violets gig will be populated by requests from the over 40's and the bleepy shit might not go down too well lol!(I've slipped Wham! in there!). I'm hoping to see her tomorrow, that leaves Sat free to go into Leeds, do vigil, meet up with Mark(my colleague/friend) and have a catch-up/bitch/gossip over a couple of bevvies, I might catch the German Drossmas market too, mmmm sweetbreads, hot-dogs and punch, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I think so!
Had a slow-drip ooze 9 hour nose-bleed today, my veins are badgered after the extra treatment need from falling-over/ass bleed so I've skipped 1 prophy treatment and boy can I tell!
I have dug out just about every old indie/trad goth/new wave/alt cd to lend to Gill, she's worried the post Violets gig will be populated by requests from the over 40's and the bleepy shit might not go down too well lol!(I've slipped Wham! in there!). I'm hoping to see her tomorrow, that leaves Sat free to go into Leeds, do vigil, meet up with Mark(my colleague/friend) and have a catch-up/bitch/gossip over a couple of bevvies, I might catch the German Drossmas market too, mmmm sweetbreads, hot-dogs and punch, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I think so!
Had a slow-drip ooze 9 hour nose-bleed today, my veins are badgered after the extra treatment need from falling-over/ass bleed so I've skipped 1 prophy treatment and boy can I tell!
Thursday, 29 November 2007
meme-isms/Got woken in the night by a mystic golden light...
1. If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say? Oh, it's the immaculate conception!
2. Do you trust all of your friends? When I'm well 110%, when I'm not well less so ie depressed/paranoid. I do *try* not to let that show cos I realise it's just my mental health badgering up.
3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love? Only if they had a fantastic NHS equivalent and fabulous Haemophilia Centre, but I've have to say my friends are my sanity, so another country would be a challenge.
4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Depends on mi madness. Sometimes I have that thought and then I think what a bonkers/irrational/uncouth statement it is-like karma ie were all disabled people murderers in a past life?
5. Can you make a pound/dollar in change right now? Yes
6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor? gillywoo and kerry as they are fantastically personable and put everyone except for weird freakjobs at ease, no actually they put weirdo freakjobs at ease too.(often!)
7. Are you afraid of falling in love? Although I love falling in love I feel erm a bit scared of it, yes, it's the unreciprocated bit I guess I am a bit nervous of lol.I wish I had love like blood: thin, prolific, warm and moist!
8. How many cars are on your drive? One
9. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? Yup
10. Whats your most favourite scar? I'm not fond of any of them, but if I had to chose the jugular vein scar is pretty dark ;).
11. When was the last time you flew in a plane? Jan 07 Manchester-Berlin(and back)
12. What did the last text message you sent say and who to? Claire - "This is my number, Helen x"
13. What features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex? record collection, thighs, cock, eyes, hip bones, tummy, cheek bones
14. Fill in the blank. I love: ketchup
15. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future? go back to work p/t and not feel truly dreadful
16. Did you ever disobey your parents? frequently
17. How many kids do you want to have? One
18. Would you make a good parent? As long as I wasn't bleeding, in pain, exhausted, drunk I'd make an excellent parent :p
19. Where was your default picture taken? It wasn't
20. Whats your middle name? Louise
21. Honestly, whats on your mind right now? eating smokey bbq baked beans with ketchup,and having a wank(not simultaneously)
22. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be? Blakes 7 from ending or The Smiths from splitting(yeah check my altruism mofo!)
23. Who was or will be the maid of honour/ best man at your wedding? I'm not getting wed, but I had fleeting moments of discussion with an ex about a sci-fi fancy dress wedding, or Adam Ant themed wedding. We realised that wanting a fancy dress party wasn't a good enough reson to legally bind ourselves together though.
24. What are you wearing right now? black t and combats
25. Righty or Lefty? right-handed
26. Best place to eat? The Olive Tree-Rodley, The Wetherby Whaler-Pudsey, Mumtaz-Bradford, Paris-Horsforth, Restaurant Chartier-Paris
27. Favourite jeans? flared
28. Favourite animal? Horses
29. Favourite juice? gossip
30. Have you had the chicken pox? No, but I've had chicken(not young gay men)
31. Have you had a sore throat? lol yes
32. Ever had a bar fight? No
33. Who knows you the best? I don't know, probably Bev
34. Shoe size? left 6.5 right 8
35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses? no
36. Ever been in a fight with your pet? No, however, Chilli the chinchilla bit me a couple of times, she was a bit anti-social that was all.
37. Been to Mexico? No, but would love to
38. Did you buy something today? Tart au citron, double cream, mixed berries, Scotttish shortbread, milk, spicy lentil and tomato soup, and a 4 pack of Chardonnay
39. Did you get sick today? STAY SICK ;)
40. Do you miss someone today? Only for 20 seconds
41. Did you get in a fight with someone today? No!
42. When is the last time you had a massage? July sometime I think
43. Last person to lay in your bed? Aside from me, Dave.
44. Last person to see you cry? Theatre staff-The Northern General Hospital
45. Who made you cry? scary hospital shit/fear of dying
46. What was the last TV show you watched? The first series of Spaced on DVD
47. What are your plans for the weekend? See gillywoo, drink/laugh. Do World Aids Day vigil.
48. Who do you think will repost this? No-one
49. Who was the last person you hung out with? Mark and Claire, over a delicious meal and 3 bottles of wine :)
50. If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say?There isn't a sig other... but I'd probably ask 'why?' if someone asked again. I am romantic but I do fail to see the benefits of getting married(aside from having a fancy dress party, obviously).
Bat For Lashes-Horse and I
2. Do you trust all of your friends? When I'm well 110%, when I'm not well less so ie depressed/paranoid. I do *try* not to let that show cos I realise it's just my mental health badgering up.
3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love? Only if they had a fantastic NHS equivalent and fabulous Haemophilia Centre, but I've have to say my friends are my sanity, so another country would be a challenge.
4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Depends on mi madness. Sometimes I have that thought and then I think what a bonkers/irrational/uncouth statement it is-like karma ie were all disabled people murderers in a past life?
5. Can you make a pound/dollar in change right now? Yes
6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor? gillywoo and kerry as they are fantastically personable and put everyone except for weird freakjobs at ease, no actually they put weirdo freakjobs at ease too.(often!)
7. Are you afraid of falling in love? Although I love falling in love I feel erm a bit scared of it, yes, it's the unreciprocated bit I guess I am a bit nervous of lol.I wish I had love like blood: thin, prolific, warm and moist!
8. How many cars are on your drive? One
9. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? Yup
10. Whats your most favourite scar? I'm not fond of any of them, but if I had to chose the jugular vein scar is pretty dark ;).
11. When was the last time you flew in a plane? Jan 07 Manchester-Berlin(and back)
12. What did the last text message you sent say and who to? Claire - "This is my number, Helen x"
13. What features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex? record collection, thighs, cock, eyes, hip bones, tummy, cheek bones
14. Fill in the blank. I love: ketchup
15. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future? go back to work p/t and not feel truly dreadful
16. Did you ever disobey your parents? frequently
17. How many kids do you want to have? One
18. Would you make a good parent? As long as I wasn't bleeding, in pain, exhausted, drunk I'd make an excellent parent :p
19. Where was your default picture taken? It wasn't
20. Whats your middle name? Louise
21. Honestly, whats on your mind right now? eating smokey bbq baked beans with ketchup,and having a wank(not simultaneously)
22. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be? Blakes 7 from ending or The Smiths from splitting(yeah check my altruism mofo!)
23. Who was or will be the maid of honour/ best man at your wedding? I'm not getting wed, but I had fleeting moments of discussion with an ex about a sci-fi fancy dress wedding, or Adam Ant themed wedding. We realised that wanting a fancy dress party wasn't a good enough reson to legally bind ourselves together though.
24. What are you wearing right now? black t and combats
25. Righty or Lefty? right-handed
26. Best place to eat? The Olive Tree-Rodley, The Wetherby Whaler-Pudsey, Mumtaz-Bradford, Paris-Horsforth, Restaurant Chartier-Paris
27. Favourite jeans? flared
28. Favourite animal? Horses
29. Favourite juice? gossip
30. Have you had the chicken pox? No, but I've had chicken(not young gay men)
31. Have you had a sore throat? lol yes
32. Ever had a bar fight? No
33. Who knows you the best? I don't know, probably Bev
34. Shoe size? left 6.5 right 8
35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses? no
36. Ever been in a fight with your pet? No, however, Chilli the chinchilla bit me a couple of times, she was a bit anti-social that was all.
37. Been to Mexico? No, but would love to
38. Did you buy something today? Tart au citron, double cream, mixed berries, Scotttish shortbread, milk, spicy lentil and tomato soup, and a 4 pack of Chardonnay
39. Did you get sick today? STAY SICK ;)
40. Do you miss someone today? Only for 20 seconds
41. Did you get in a fight with someone today? No!
42. When is the last time you had a massage? July sometime I think
43. Last person to lay in your bed? Aside from me, Dave.
44. Last person to see you cry? Theatre staff-The Northern General Hospital
45. Who made you cry? scary hospital shit/fear of dying
46. What was the last TV show you watched? The first series of Spaced on DVD
47. What are your plans for the weekend? See gillywoo, drink/laugh. Do World Aids Day vigil.
48. Who do you think will repost this? No-one
49. Who was the last person you hung out with? Mark and Claire, over a delicious meal and 3 bottles of wine :)
50. If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say?There isn't a sig other... but I'd probably ask 'why?' if someone asked again. I am romantic but I do fail to see the benefits of getting married(aside from having a fancy dress party, obviously).
Bat For Lashes-Horse and I
Wednesday, 28 November 2007
Get Involved-Get The Best(pint)
The Haemophilia Soc's 'Think Tank' should be re-named 'Drink Tank'.... Notably the conversation was in the gutter even before I arrived. I'd also just missed a near fight 'tween a couple of members!!!
We did a bit of 'work' today in a lovely hotel in Oxford(I've never been there before and I only saw the hotel and a cash point-but it looked nice), we all had balconies overlooking the Thames, top scran, and a hoot about people masturbating at The Samaritans. I probably hammered on (a bit too much) how I wanted PPI stakeholders/commissioning patient representatives to actually BE PEOPLE WITH BLEEDING DISORDERS and not carers etc. lol, I can't qualify that statement any further without sleep, and I'm not saying there aren't appropriate roles for carers/parent carers etc just in that instance. Robert highbrow James made a fair point about 'why do patient reps have to represent all patients, when surgeons don't represent all surgeons' etc. I hope/think the volunteer roles within the Society will expand hugely and carry with them appropriate training packages at some point in the not too distant future. Engagement's where it's at baby! There was a stimulating presentation about the Pan Thames Haemophilia Commissioning Consortium and it was evident that we need to muse on the haemo commissioning/auditing agenda fuck loads more, nationally. - This was a 'nutshell' brought to you by H Campbell.
There were ducks a plenty.
ION: My ass is haemorrhaging mildly. This was nothing to do with anal fisting(or The Haemophilia Society), although it transpires Robert James has written a paper on lesbian anal fisting.(My vibrating arm is still amusing to most, but Matt was nearly sick - it appears he has an 'elbow vein phobia'... lol).The Comms man Dan thinks I should write an article for HQ on vibrating arms. Collette(who's also a nurse) let slip that Emla cream applied to a mans erect pen!s before sex/hans solo acts like a 'delay spray'. Matt demanded a tube on the spot. This was the conversation before dinner.
Ros - David ?(lives near London, Scottish accent, bad limp), Paul ?(nantwich-cheshire, nice tall bloke-send best wishes to your parents too), Matt(drunk), Eileen Ross(nice woman), Gareth(drunk), Richard Oakley(nice bloke) send you their best wishes - I mentioned you were taking things easy after a recent procedure and that I'd see you soon(At least I think Gareth sent you his best wishes). Robert probably sent you his best too. It was a challenge just remembering names tbh! Also, I am Chief Direct All von Willebrands Questions To Helen when you're not there Ros, help!
Gareth is a bit funny - he has bought a stretch of Loch and a Lochside cottage in Scotland, which has no access rights. So I guess he'll be needing a helipad or teleport system.
Oh and Eileen Ross and myself were talking about setting up a ‘Mike Makris and Co Appreciation Society’, he also saved and her sons' life. What a Haemo Top Rankerer!
Jae - I don't want to scare you, but hell, after my knee stroking and target joint pumelling it's only fair I share TEH FEARZ... I think they want to do some male bonding with you in a jacuzzi ;p
The whole non-Helen transport experience wasn't a laugh a minute, the taxi was 30 mins late and broke down and I missed a train on the way there and then slept through a train change at Birmingham on the way back... ALSO I HATE the smell of beer in a train carriage. I arrived home, shattered, went to buy chips and bumped into my friend/neighbour Wayne carrying a plate of chicken up the street and invited him in for a puff and a shot(-yes it's just like Corrie). Something a bit tales-of-the-unexpected happens when Wayne comes round, I often fall off chairs and oddly 6 hours pass in ten minutes, so now I am exceedingly tired.
Night, don't let the bugger bite.
xx
We did a bit of 'work' today in a lovely hotel in Oxford(I've never been there before and I only saw the hotel and a cash point-but it looked nice), we all had balconies overlooking the Thames, top scran, and a hoot about people masturbating at The Samaritans. I probably hammered on (a bit too much) how I wanted PPI stakeholders/commissioning patient representatives to actually BE PEOPLE WITH BLEEDING DISORDERS and not carers etc. lol, I can't qualify that statement any further without sleep, and I'm not saying there aren't appropriate roles for carers/parent carers etc just in that instance. Robert highbrow James made a fair point about 'why do patient reps have to represent all patients, when surgeons don't represent all surgeons' etc. I hope/think the volunteer roles within the Society will expand hugely and carry with them appropriate training packages at some point in the not too distant future. Engagement's where it's at baby! There was a stimulating presentation about the Pan Thames Haemophilia Commissioning Consortium and it was evident that we need to muse on the haemo commissioning/auditing agenda fuck loads more, nationally. - This was a 'nutshell' brought to you by H Campbell.
There were ducks a plenty.
ION: My ass is haemorrhaging mildly. This was nothing to do with anal fisting(or The Haemophilia Society), although it transpires Robert James has written a paper on lesbian anal fisting.(My vibrating arm is still amusing to most, but Matt was nearly sick - it appears he has an 'elbow vein phobia'... lol).The Comms man Dan thinks I should write an article for HQ on vibrating arms. Collette(who's also a nurse) let slip that Emla cream applied to a mans erect pen!s before sex/hans solo acts like a 'delay spray'. Matt demanded a tube on the spot. This was the conversation before dinner.
Ros - David ?(lives near London, Scottish accent, bad limp), Paul ?(nantwich-cheshire, nice tall bloke-send best wishes to your parents too), Matt(drunk), Eileen Ross(nice woman), Gareth(drunk), Richard Oakley(nice bloke) send you their best wishes - I mentioned you were taking things easy after a recent procedure and that I'd see you soon(At least I think Gareth sent you his best wishes). Robert probably sent you his best too. It was a challenge just remembering names tbh! Also, I am Chief Direct All von Willebrands Questions To Helen when you're not there Ros, help!
Gareth is a bit funny - he has bought a stretch of Loch and a Lochside cottage in Scotland, which has no access rights. So I guess he'll be needing a helipad or teleport system.
Oh and Eileen Ross and myself were talking about setting up a ‘Mike Makris and Co Appreciation Society’, he also saved and her sons' life. What a Haemo Top Rankerer!
Jae - I don't want to scare you, but hell, after my knee stroking and target joint pumelling it's only fair I share TEH FEARZ... I think they want to do some male bonding with you in a jacuzzi ;p
The whole non-Helen transport experience wasn't a laugh a minute, the taxi was 30 mins late and broke down and I missed a train on the way there and then slept through a train change at Birmingham on the way back... ALSO I HATE the smell of beer in a train carriage. I arrived home, shattered, went to buy chips and bumped into my friend/neighbour Wayne carrying a plate of chicken up the street and invited him in for a puff and a shot(-yes it's just like Corrie). Something a bit tales-of-the-unexpected happens when Wayne comes round, I often fall off chairs and oddly 6 hours pass in ten minutes, so now I am exceedingly tired.
Night, don't let the bugger bite.
xx
Monday, 26 November 2007
Love In A Trashcan
Jae - I touched Sharin Foo on the FOREARM. Shall we set up a fanclub?
Curious how the presenter says "Copenhagen which is NOW LOCATED IN DENMARK". Which perplexed me somewhat.
Curious how the presenter says "Copenhagen which is NOW LOCATED IN DENMARK". Which perplexed me somewhat.
sidewalking part 2
1, I walk down the street, I see a big hole, I avoid it but fall over anyway! I realise I am not helpless and shout for Ben, I hear the laughing as he realises I've dissapeared in a sea of cars(it was in a car park), I wipe away my tears and get up anyway! I realise it is my fault and stumble on... AND I'd only had ONE freaking pale cream sherry! Full moon... *mumbles* ;p
So I now have 2 grumbly arms and an unhappy right knee. But I still managed to have a bloody good SingStar evening. Thanks the universe for providing AV fistula, Haemate P and Emla(oh and SingStar). 'You tube' footage/carnage to follow...
Had a hoot tonight at Andy's going to New Zealand/Oz farewell curry. Man, I hope he has a ball. The restaurant fell spookily silent as me and Andy G related our dire-est internet dating moments. Consumed muchos curried liver and goan king prawns YUM!Managed to locate the quintessential hat with corks for Andy to wear in restaurant. Met some blindingly funny women/new friends: Linda, Sally and Jan. The night started by them explaining that we all need a list of things to accomplish before we die. I subtley mentioned top of my list was a 3way between 2 men and me and that I'd like that to happen before Christmas! Anyway I've arranged to go shooting and speed dating with these women... not quite what I was expecting from a reiki healer, tarot reader and life coach LOL, but I'll be in safe hands!
Tomorrow and Tuesday Oxford for The Haemophilia Societys Think Tank. I'm not sure why they've asked me, after this weekend I can barely think and I sure ain't got a tank...yet mmmmm *perk* Panzer...
Bollocks just realised am gonna be on a train post curry.
Saturday, 24 November 2007
sidewalking
Chapter 1.
I walk down the street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I fall in.I am lost…I am helpless.It isn’t my fault.It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2.
I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I pretend I don’t see it.I fall in again.I cant believe I am in this same place.But it isn’t my fault.It still takes a long time to get out. (ha ha this is where I hovvered for many years!)
Chapter 3.
I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I see it is there.I still fall in… its a habit.But, my eyes are open.I know where I am.It is my fault.I get out immediately. (I think with some aspects of life I'm more here now though)
Chapter 4.
I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk around it.
Chapter 5.
I walk down another street.
-“There’s a Hole in my Sidewalk“by Portia Nelson
-This piece just really strikes a chord in me.
Dead chuffed to hear my mate Andy's told his boss the project he's working on is shit and he's leaving, that is leaving on Tuesday to be precise and is flying to Oz, then New Zealand for a few months, or where-ever the force takes him! Good on you Andy, you need this. The power of now, or what! Celebrations Sunday mi thinks!
I walk down the street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I fall in.I am lost…I am helpless.It isn’t my fault.It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2.
I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I pretend I don’t see it.I fall in again.I cant believe I am in this same place.But it isn’t my fault.It still takes a long time to get out. (ha ha this is where I hovvered for many years!)
Chapter 3.
I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I see it is there.I still fall in… its a habit.But, my eyes are open.I know where I am.It is my fault.I get out immediately. (I think with some aspects of life I'm more here now though)
Chapter 4.
I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk around it.
Chapter 5.
I walk down another street.
-“There’s a Hole in my Sidewalk“by Portia Nelson
-This piece just really strikes a chord in me.
Dead chuffed to hear my mate Andy's told his boss the project he's working on is shit and he's leaving, that is leaving on Tuesday to be precise and is flying to Oz, then New Zealand for a few months, or where-ever the force takes him! Good on you Andy, you need this. The power of now, or what! Celebrations Sunday mi thinks!
Friday, 23 November 2007
Oh, is it really so strange?
23/11/2007
Dear Moz(/God),
How is playing 6 dates on the trot in London, any way or shape fair?
Yours, disgruntled Northerner
Ms Campbell.
"Euh
I left the North
I travelled South
I found a tiny house
And I can't help the way that I feel
Oh yes, you can kick me
And you can punch me
And you can break my face
But you won't change the way I feel
'Cause I love you
Oh ..."
Gill just reminded me that we danced to The Smiths at Whitby G W, cripes, I do the whole Gladioli routine but with invisible Gladioli for that song. *Note to self: don't get so drunk you think dancing and flailing with invisible flowers is ok, again*
Dear Moz(/God),
How is playing 6 dates on the trot in London, any way or shape fair?
Yours, disgruntled Northerner
Ms Campbell.
"Euh
I left the North
I travelled South
I found a tiny house
And I can't help the way that I feel
Oh yes, you can kick me
And you can punch me
And you can break my face
But you won't change the way I feel
'Cause I love you
Oh ..."
Gill just reminded me that we danced to The Smiths at Whitby G W, cripes, I do the whole Gladioli routine but with invisible Gladioli for that song. *Note to self: don't get so drunk you think dancing and flailing with invisible flowers is ok, again*
oh well, whatever, nevermind
Saturday will involve some more messed up kareoke. Ben trying ever-so-hard to look 'grunge' with the sharps bin and a delicate glass of Rose, bless :). Yes and that's me attempting headbanging(it's ok I'd had Factor).
A denial, A denial, A denial, A denial, A denial...
A denial, A denial, A denial, A denial, A denial...
Cheese Dilemma?
No, not the straightforward cathedral city or blue stilton misnomer but in fact cheese of the deeply camp and obsessive origins.
I have been in a dilemma for some weeks readers re THE BLOODY JOHN BARROWMAN CD, now then I'm sure it won't have escaped your attention that I have some obsessive leanings towards Torchwood and it's crew Captain Jack Harkness etc. However, I suspect John Barrowman singing/taking to a stage/dancing really doesn't roll my coaster. I have, thus far, resisted temptation to buy the bloody CD.
"Well Done Helen!"
"I thank you!" ok I'm scaring myself now...
I can't believe he's singing the Heaven song. "I'm finding it hard to believe we're in Heaven"-What a typecast he is! He's really messed wit Nina Simones 'Feeling Good' which should never have been allowed to be covered (by anyone, including Captain Jack Harkness or a Dalek or Avon even) post-Muse, I can't quite believe I am now previewing the bloody CD :-/
I have been in a dilemma for some weeks readers re THE BLOODY JOHN BARROWMAN CD, now then I'm sure it won't have escaped your attention that I have some obsessive leanings towards Torchwood and it's crew Captain Jack Harkness etc. However, I suspect John Barrowman singing/taking to a stage/dancing really doesn't roll my coaster. I have, thus far, resisted temptation to buy the bloody CD.
"Well Done Helen!"
"I thank you!" ok I'm scaring myself now...
I can't believe he's singing the Heaven song. "I'm finding it hard to believe we're in Heaven"-What a typecast he is! He's really messed wit Nina Simones 'Feeling Good' which should never have been allowed to be covered (by anyone, including Captain Jack Harkness or a Dalek or Avon even) post-Muse, I can't quite believe I am now previewing the bloody CD :-/
...So tonight I'm having a little think regarding April next year and the fact Bjork is touring (well if you can call London, Manchester and Sheffield a tour) and *blump* (that's the sound of an email landing). 'Did you know?' NO I DIDN'T , kthanx J ;P! John Barrowman is touring, what exactly he'll do is anyones guess, a bit of maniaical jesting with the audience, a ball-room dance or two, a cheese-mongred song or 3 and get his legendary alien trouser snake out, oh god no that's me fantasising again.My pal Jamie has been to see him live and admitted he had a very satisfactory hans solo in the hotel, immediately after the show.I hope he made it to his room? Apparently he mooned the audience, John not Jamie.
I digress once again...
Anyway...: “I see myself being very different from the average(ahem-we've heard dear) singer. I have released records before, but this is my first for a mainstream audience. But I do want to make it absolutely clear here and now: I am not trying to be a pop star. I'm just trying to make a high quality album full of songs that I hope people would want to hear me sing. For those who only maybe know me from television, I'd like them to discover another side of me." John Barrowman
John Barrowman - "excuse me for my directness,I put it to you that the only side I need to discover is the alien, time travelling, gore, troubled piece of erotica, with uniforms, boy on boy on alien action with the odd pistol. Basically, a pure sex-fest LIVE stage show is what I really crave this spring, ... erm?" H Campbell.
I think I'll buy the album for my mum for Drossmas. Mmmmm.
I wondering if he'll sing a song in that coat even, now that would be worth a ticket. Jamie now has a coat like that, it's a Canadian grey coat in fact, the bastard.
I digress further..."
The fans of the show are going to love it because it’s got sex and violence and, at the end of it, you’re going to have to go finish yourselves off, so to speak, because it’s so horny, it’s not even funny" John Barrowman commenting on Series 2 of Torchwood. Tell it to my face 'it's not even funny Barrowman' I'm not sure the Duracell bunny's been to this private hell before.
Oh and for the gruyere topping with hundreds and thousands Dolly Parton is touring too!
Thursday, 22 November 2007
Lust Lust Lust
I have no idea who the Alexei Sale look-a-bit-a-likey is, but he was very insistent I took his pic with Sharin Foo! Got the new album signed and a Lusty shopper! :)
Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Tuesday, 20 November 2007
I'm sure I'm meant to be flattered you're taking such an interest, except I'm not. To be honest I just find it creepy.
I thought this would just be read by a few friends I'd given the link to and those small clutch of online buddies.I don't even mind making new online buddies...however...
There's 2 people I particularly don't want knowing things about my life because they have fucked me off/up immeasurably.
1, Dave
2, Steve
So if you are either of them, and you've been unfriended by me on Livejournal... take the fucking hint...
I thought this would just be read by a few friends I'd given the link to and those small clutch of online buddies.I don't even mind making new online buddies...however...
There's 2 people I particularly don't want knowing things about my life because they have fucked me off/up immeasurably.
1, Dave
2, Steve
So if you are either of them, and you've been unfriended by me on Livejournal... take the fucking hint...
Monday, 19 November 2007
Hey! Wait!
Sending lots of goodness and equal badassness to Ros my vW (type 3) sista for her admission tomorrow and operation Wednesday:
All the best sugar. It'll be well cool if you've got a heart shaped box! Text me the gory story!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ps This is a message to your sub-conscious bodily-functions CLOT! (but not in a thrombosis way)
All the best sugar. It'll be well cool if you've got a heart shaped box! Text me the gory story!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ps This is a message to your sub-conscious bodily-functions CLOT! (but not in a thrombosis way)
Sunday, 18 November 2007
But you're the one I remember, From these valleys of green and the grey
Oh and New Model Army fucking rocked out...
This is Green and Grey it's such a beautiful, powerful ballad,it was the closing song to an inspirational gig, ending on a high and a tear. It always reminds me of my friend Nik Hough - friend from age 5, gigging partner teens and early 20's. 'Another young brave steals away' RIP darling.xxx
This is Green and Grey it's such a beautiful, powerful ballad,it was the closing song to an inspirational gig, ending on a high and a tear. It always reminds me of my friend Nik Hough - friend from age 5, gigging partner teens and early 20's. 'Another young brave steals away' RIP darling.xxx
you're my wife noooooooooow...
Wendyhouse was a fucking BALL! I'm completely hoarse, mainly from wearing my Papa Lazarou t-shirt and a Papa Lazarou clone being in Wendyhouse 'HELLLLLO DAAAAAVE' -who'da thunk it?! Caught up with an amass of wonderful people: Tricia, Kitty van Ghoul(above) and hubby Jay, Gillywoo(above), Lucy(above), Pete(above-doing something weird to my papa-t/paps and in shot with the wonderful woo and the lovely Lucy), Mikey, Simon, Amy, Jamie, Tom(from the faversham), Bronte and Danny from Salvation was really chuffed that he had a screaming fan(not me for a change) to meet=Pete etc...sadly no pictoral evidence of the Danz.
Me and mikey had a hoot talking bollocks about make-up and gurning into the not so early hours. AND if you've not come across the Kersal massive on You Tube yet, you really don't know what joys you are missing!!!!!!!!: View this first
Kersal Massive vs Kraftwerk!!!!!!!!!!!:
Kersal Massive vs The Persil Massive:
-nearly wet mi sen laughing so hard!
"better to die on your feet than live on your knees" - Discuss...
Saturday, 17 November 2007
The Crack Of Doom Came Too Soon and other Tails
Within moments of writing that last blog I started a GI bleed. Spooky OR WHAT?!?! It doesn't seem too worrying but i'll sleep with some Emla on just in case I need a top-up through the night. I think the Tiger Lillies are Doris Stokes in many a varied disguise.
PJ Harvey was great on Joolz Holland tonight, although I just wanted to say to her "but's what's with the ornaments chick?" The Foals and King Creosote were entertaining too.
So next week, send lots of bloody nice energies to the smashing Ros for her op.
Maybe see Sons and Daughters(mon), The Raveonettes(wed) and The Buzzcocks(fri). Hmmm. Oh, and there's a further installment of the Ben kareoke experience/obsession over in Didsbury :) with some super folk I met at the bonfire kareoke... :-/. It sometimes occurs to me that home kareoke is my predominent frequent activity, does that make 'not-singing kareoke in public but at home' a hobby? I love wine. Everyone should have a hobby.
I still read Daves blog (- you do it to yourself, you do, that's what really hurts). Not that there's much to read. Not that there's much to hurt. It's seems sadly menial that livejournal is our final link in the chain of our bondage. I don't want to read certain things about/written by him anymore. I can't and won't be part, or, bear witness to the little seams of light that he decides I can have glimpses of, when it suits Him. But I can't hit delete. I guess I'm just irked as I fancied going to The Buzzcocks next week but I don't wanna bump in to him, I don't know why particularly, it's just a vague NO in my head, ok maybe that NO wasn't that vague... Maybe it's because I'm weak- like how ? Like he's gonna flutter his long eyelashes and before we know it we'll entrained in a tornado of breathy demands, tongue, hips, instincts, skin and lips... up against the cold brick wall of the railway arches.(-oooh, so where they're askin' in an alley and your voice ain't steady,if your sex mechanic's rough you're more than ready...).Then part like ships-wrecked in the night, washed up on the shore like a broken teen dream? *Shakes head/not gives it*. Maybe cos I don't wanna remember the feeling of rejection, which makes me question why should I still feel rejected? Your mother giving you up when your born is probably the biggest rejection, all other rejections pale into complete insignificance by comparison. Maybe I just don't want to remember and re-connect with these extreme emotions. I don't need an emotional hijacking. I'm crap at absolute endings... and at the end of the gig we would have to say Goodbye and I'd have to mean it most sincerely, I'm nearly there, one more lame shuffle and I'm out of this no womans land for good :). I'm not making much sense. Maybe I'm still too hurt and angry, but I'm pretty sure I'm just fairly numb(not in a shocked way) just in a *shrug* sort of way. Maybe I just don't want to run the risk of putting myself through anymore/just me guarding against an emotional rollercoaster moment, ya know? Maybe it's just fatigue. That's probably it. There's no lust anymore, no attraction, just mild distain, and the beleaguered promise of what-could-have-beens. Disapointment. Goodbyes are hard. We get on culturally too, just shame it got tainted along the way by fearfully awesome sex, complications and complicities. I'm not very good at goodbyes. Are goodbyes actually necessary? How about au revoir...? I'm all ears.
We've been involved
For quite a while now
And to keep you secret has been hell
We're strangers meeting for the first time O.K.?
Just smile and say hello
Say hello, then wave goodbye.
PJ Harvey was great on Joolz Holland tonight, although I just wanted to say to her "but's what's with the ornaments chick?" The Foals and King Creosote were entertaining too.
So next week, send lots of bloody nice energies to the smashing Ros for her op.
Maybe see Sons and Daughters(mon), The Raveonettes(wed) and The Buzzcocks(fri). Hmmm. Oh, and there's a further installment of the Ben kareoke experience/obsession over in Didsbury :) with some super folk I met at the bonfire kareoke... :-/. It sometimes occurs to me that home kareoke is my predominent frequent activity, does that make 'not-singing kareoke in public but at home' a hobby? I love wine. Everyone should have a hobby.
I still read Daves blog (- you do it to yourself, you do, that's what really hurts). Not that there's much to read. Not that there's much to hurt. It's seems sadly menial that livejournal is our final link in the chain of our bondage. I don't want to read certain things about/written by him anymore. I can't and won't be part, or, bear witness to the little seams of light that he decides I can have glimpses of, when it suits Him. But I can't hit delete. I guess I'm just irked as I fancied going to The Buzzcocks next week but I don't wanna bump in to him, I don't know why particularly, it's just a vague NO in my head, ok maybe that NO wasn't that vague... Maybe it's because I'm weak- like how ? Like he's gonna flutter his long eyelashes and before we know it we'll entrained in a tornado of breathy demands, tongue, hips, instincts, skin and lips... up against the cold brick wall of the railway arches.(-oooh, so where they're askin' in an alley and your voice ain't steady,if your sex mechanic's rough you're more than ready...).Then part like ships-wrecked in the night, washed up on the shore like a broken teen dream? *Shakes head/not gives it*. Maybe cos I don't wanna remember the feeling of rejection, which makes me question why should I still feel rejected? Your mother giving you up when your born is probably the biggest rejection, all other rejections pale into complete insignificance by comparison. Maybe I just don't want to remember and re-connect with these extreme emotions. I don't need an emotional hijacking. I'm crap at absolute endings... and at the end of the gig we would have to say Goodbye and I'd have to mean it most sincerely, I'm nearly there, one more lame shuffle and I'm out of this no womans land for good :). I'm not making much sense. Maybe I'm still too hurt and angry, but I'm pretty sure I'm just fairly numb(not in a shocked way) just in a *shrug* sort of way. Maybe I just don't want to run the risk of putting myself through anymore/just me guarding against an emotional rollercoaster moment, ya know? Maybe it's just fatigue. That's probably it. There's no lust anymore, no attraction, just mild distain, and the beleaguered promise of what-could-have-beens. Disapointment. Goodbyes are hard. We get on culturally too, just shame it got tainted along the way by fearfully awesome sex, complications and complicities. I'm not very good at goodbyes. Are goodbyes actually necessary? How about au revoir...? I'm all ears.
We've been involved
For quite a while now
And to keep you secret has been hell
We're strangers meeting for the first time O.K.?
Just smile and say hello
Say hello, then wave goodbye.
Friday, 16 November 2007
The Crack Of Doom Is Coming Soon
It's Children In Need Day and I live in Pudsey(with my needy inner child) *tish boom* (-that's not a reference to my arse btw)
The Crack Of Doom - The Tiger Lillies
ps not all men in eyeliner
The Crack Of Doom - The Tiger Lillies
ps not all men in eyeliner
Dubito, ergo cogito, ergo sum?
Eels, eels, eels LOL. The Hitcher is reminiscent of a Papa Lazarou of yore. Loved it, thanks for the nudge in the right direction Jae. The Mighty Boosh is Top Notch!(did i spell it right?)! I have watched sporadic episodes before and can already see my failed fandom on the horizon... ;)
My Incapacity Benefit has been stopped because the tarding eejits that process sick notes at Tower House, practically do it in retrobloodygrade. Fucking spam bollocks. I hate the bureaucratic nightmare the civil service (mainly) is. Another sucky irritable phone call on the cards tomorrow. That'll be the third this week. Like I haven't got anything better to do with my time.
HA HAR!...
Which neatly leads me onto the work thing, I have now had (not all in one block) 7.5 months off work sick this year. For the first 4 months I felt guilty, pathetic, unproductive and useless. I suppose I had a minor personality crisis(great song by the New Yorks Dolls by the way) regarding my 'place and usefulness in this life'. It's funny how our self-identities get so drawn up alongside our 'paid' work. It's funny that I judge myself more harshly than those around me. You'd think that running peer-led self-management courses for people with long-term health conditions I just may be a bit more, 'oh it's ok I'm allowed to be ill and everything'. Alas no, many hours of the day were self-judged in the way 'am I well enough to work?'. I think since the summer I've had a bit of an epiphany regarding my place in this world. I have had quite a few complications with the von Willies type 3 haemorrhaging nuggets over the years and a recognisable psychiatric disorder for well over a decade and for the same period something akin to CFS, oh and the arthropathy, high blood pressure and asthma(and a couple of other recent illness I'll gloss over!). I have struggled to work full-time until I was 31, and have been working around 30hrs a week since then, except for failing at that miserably for the last 18months. See I still have to pick myself up on this language. It is a fact I have not managed this 30hrs a week working malarky for some time but have I failed?I'm not seeing this as a personal failure anymore, I'm not judging myself with the harsh eyes other might, because I don't deserve that. I have done my best and well if it wasn't good enough for someone else, then tough!
What's happened since February is I've had 3 lots of surgery, 5 in-patient admissions, 14 weeks of a cracking depression AND I've had a bloody good rest and a good bit of fun in between times :P. I've made new friends and re-connected with old friends, I don't want to be entirely flakey but this isn't a total coincidence I KNOW have been an emotional-energy-draining-alien for some (sadly not minor portions) of my adult life and I feel like I am still learning to enjoy life(post-puberty, I think I just got bitter from having periods lol). And I have started to really feel OKAY emotionally for the first time in a lot of years/ever/since pre-puberty! Positivity, I know a lot of you know this through life experience, bereavement, illness both mental and physical etc is such a hard state to attain, especially if you are in constant pain! However that pain manifests! I can't help but think that part of me, how can I say...that negative inner (dare I say parental) voice that berates, beats up and niggles has finally been somewhat quieted. I don't need to justify my existence. (I doubt) I think, therefore I am?
I've taken the pressure off me.
Oh hell Nina Simone put it better: "And this old world is a new world, And a bold world, For me"... "It's a new dawn, It's a new day, It's a new life, For me, And I'm feeling good"
Now, I've just gotta figure out a way of netting a monthly 1k without lifting a finger(or telephone).
'Personality Crisis'-The New York Dolls
My Incapacity Benefit has been stopped because the tarding eejits that process sick notes at Tower House, practically do it in retrobloodygrade. Fucking spam bollocks. I hate the bureaucratic nightmare the civil service (mainly) is. Another sucky irritable phone call on the cards tomorrow. That'll be the third this week. Like I haven't got anything better to do with my time.
HA HAR!...
Which neatly leads me onto the work thing, I have now had (not all in one block) 7.5 months off work sick this year. For the first 4 months I felt guilty, pathetic, unproductive and useless. I suppose I had a minor personality crisis(great song by the New Yorks Dolls by the way) regarding my 'place and usefulness in this life'. It's funny how our self-identities get so drawn up alongside our 'paid' work. It's funny that I judge myself more harshly than those around me. You'd think that running peer-led self-management courses for people with long-term health conditions I just may be a bit more, 'oh it's ok I'm allowed to be ill and everything'. Alas no, many hours of the day were self-judged in the way 'am I well enough to work?'. I think since the summer I've had a bit of an epiphany regarding my place in this world. I have had quite a few complications with the von Willies type 3 haemorrhaging nuggets over the years and a recognisable psychiatric disorder for well over a decade and for the same period something akin to CFS, oh and the arthropathy, high blood pressure and asthma(and a couple of other recent illness I'll gloss over!). I have struggled to work full-time until I was 31, and have been working around 30hrs a week since then, except for failing at that miserably for the last 18months. See I still have to pick myself up on this language. It is a fact I have not managed this 30hrs a week working malarky for some time but have I failed?I'm not seeing this as a personal failure anymore, I'm not judging myself with the harsh eyes other might, because I don't deserve that. I have done my best and well if it wasn't good enough for someone else, then tough!
What's happened since February is I've had 3 lots of surgery, 5 in-patient admissions, 14 weeks of a cracking depression AND I've had a bloody good rest and a good bit of fun in between times :P. I've made new friends and re-connected with old friends, I don't want to be entirely flakey but this isn't a total coincidence I KNOW have been an emotional-energy-draining-alien for some (sadly not minor portions) of my adult life and I feel like I am still learning to enjoy life(post-puberty, I think I just got bitter from having periods lol). And I have started to really feel OKAY emotionally for the first time in a lot of years/ever/since pre-puberty! Positivity, I know a lot of you know this through life experience, bereavement, illness both mental and physical etc is such a hard state to attain, especially if you are in constant pain! However that pain manifests! I can't help but think that part of me, how can I say...that negative inner (dare I say parental) voice that berates, beats up and niggles has finally been somewhat quieted. I don't need to justify my existence. (I doubt) I think, therefore I am?
I've taken the pressure off me.
Oh hell Nina Simone put it better: "And this old world is a new world, And a bold world, For me"... "It's a new dawn, It's a new day, It's a new life, For me, And I'm feeling good"
Now, I've just gotta figure out a way of netting a monthly 1k without lifting a finger(or telephone).
'Personality Crisis'-The New York Dolls
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